THE Ist 4 SECONDS
THE Ist 4 SECONDS
By : Gautam Gary Gupta
We meet at least 25000 people by
the time we are 50 and at the end of walking so many people in life, we remember
only a handful. Wonder Why?
Because, only those who mattered to
us in same way and those who created an impression in mind, even meeting could
be brief, but it stay in min. The impression can be positive or negative.
Most of people would not like to
‘impress in the latter way’ so the goal is to make an impression in such a way
that we remain etched in people’s memory,
that we are noticed wherever we go.
Our First and LAST impression as
the first impression is obviously the Last.
The Ist Second
Smile a while
A sage and his disciple lived in a
secluded cottage, near a village. The disciple would go to the village everyday
to arrange for food. But he hated doing it, as he found the villagers very
unfriendly. They hardly ever acknowledged his presence. The disciple never spoke
to anyone in the village and when he did, it was to the bare minimum. He
disliked the unfriendly and what he thought to be the ‘rude behavior’ of the
villagers and therefore hated his visits to the village.
His guru had divined the disturbed state
of mind of his disciple and one day decided to accompany him to the village.
Upon entering the village, the disciple found to his utter amazement, that the
same villagers greeted his Guru with smiles and
salutations.
“Master, I have come to this village
number of times and I’ve never seen the villagers so polite and friendly. What
has brought this sudden change in them? What have you done?” asked the
incredulous disciple.
“Nothing! I simply smiled at them “,
replied the sage.
Then he went on to explain, “My smile
brought them closer to me. And at close quarters I discovered that they are
really friendly people and they discovered that I’m a friendly man.”
“A smile is the best way to relieve the
tension and break the ice.” You have Four seconds to create a wonderful first
impression and you cannot do it without a smile. You might be wearing the best
of attires but if you are not wearing a smile, you have lost upon the first
crucial second of a first meeting. And this is true in every walk of life.
When you come across an unknown face, the lack of
familiarity creates a chasm between the other person and you. A smile can help
you bridge this chasm and give the ‘unfamiliar’ and opportunity to become
‘familiar’.
We want to reach out to people and
build a connection with the world. The smile is surely the most economical and
trusted way to forge such a connection.
“The way you smile reflects your
attitude and before you realize, the other person has formed an opinion about
you based on the way you smile.
Express the smile in a way that it
exudes warmth. The only two facial features that you should move are your eyes
and your lips. Make the jaw line responsive, so that the smile does not look
artificial. Make your eyes reflect the smile on your lips. Your smile should
convey confidence, not arrogance or pretence. Do not widen your eyes
unnecessarily. Do not play with your nose. Do not have different smiles for
different people. Do not put on a half smile. A half smile suggests reticence.
Do not smirk. Smirking gives the impression of arrogance when you smirk to
acknowledge somebody’s presence you are conveying that the other person is not
important to you. A smile is another way of saying: I am happy with my life, I
am happy with myself and I am very happy to get an opportunity to know who you
are.”
Attitude stems from the way you
think about people, and how you approach them. If your approach is not open
minded and if you categorize people, then you are hindering your ability to meet
new people and make better connections.
A smile costs nothing but gives you
what no cosmetic on earth can – a pleasant and forthcoming appearance. A sincere
and heartful smile elicits a similar response, bringing pleasure to the one who
smiles and to the one who receives it. The ultimate valve of a smile lies in its
ability to exude warmth. A genuine smile can induce feelings of happiness even
if it is from a stranger. A smile is the most useful and economical way of
making the first 4 seconds a gateway to a promising future. Smile your way,
through life, for a smile is a win-win way of conquering life. When you smile,
you form a situation. Your ability to form situations with the world is what
makes you a good communicator. At the end of the day, the first four seconds do
nothing but concludes how good a communicator you can be.
The 2nd
Second
An eye for Eye.
You should look into the person’s
eyes and give him all the attention he deserves.
Every face speaks a language of its
own, of which, the eyes are an important part. They determine how involved you
are with another person, even before you start a verbal exchange/ when you meet
a person, the most clinching part in the way your eyes are placed with that
person, in that person. Look directly into that individually eyes. If your eyes
are looking else where, then you are sending a signal that you are not
interested, On the other hand, if you look directly into the person’s eyes, you
create an instant bond. Keep your eyes completely open. While making eye
contact. Do not wink or look half-heartedly. Do not stare at the person or look
dazed. The expression in your eyes and the time span of your eye contact could
determine your interest in the other person.
Eye contact plays a pivotal role in
cross-cultural communication.
A prolonged eye contact, especially
with ladies, can be taken as a offence in some cultures. Whereas in other
cultures, not looking at a person in the eyes can be interpreted as a sign of
dishonesty. Looking away while conversing can also prove to be a major hurdle in
effective communication.
The 3rd
Seconds.
Shaken and
Stirred.
Managing your hands in the most
difficult thing to do while conversing. Many a time, the formalities of the
spoken language take precedence over those of the body language. If you put your
hands behind, it might make you look slavish. If you put them in the front, it
may look as if you are attending a choir. The hands placed on the sides give you
the perfect look. Maintaining such a posture requires practice. Limp hands on
the sides do not portray the right image. Make sure the hands display energy.
Keep your body erect and firm. Walk towards the person with a rhythm.
Handshake. The only physical warmth
that you can share with somebody at the first instance is the handshake. It
tells the other person how much you appreciate his being there.
The finger handshake: An extended
finger instead of a palm suggests disinclination to meet the person.
The Double handshake: The double
handshake tends to show excessive gratitude or inferiority complex and has a
slavish undertone.
The halfhearted Handshake. A
halfhearted handshake is a sure shot way of making the other person feels
unimportant and defied.
The Gym Handshake. When you shake
hands with some body, you are building a physical rapport and not displaying
physical aggression.. So make sure that you are shaking the other person’s hand
and not wringing it. Your handshake has to be firm and not bone-crushing.
The Perfect Handshake. Take your
right handout at waist level and gracefully swing it into the other person’s
hand. You have to make sure that the edge of your palm coincides with that of
the person. Get a grip on the person’s palm and shake it steadily. Shake the
hand and jerk it once. Do not keep jerking it, or holding it, as it will make
the person uncomfortable.
A good handshake is very
significant as this ordinary physical contact can symbolize the trust exchanged
between two people. Though it is a simple gesture, it can be the deciding factor
in meeting, interviews and social gathering.
Sometimes, some
women may not shake your hand back. You must not take it personally or read it
as an insult. It is best not to shake hands with a woman unless she offers her
had first.
The 4th
Second
Speak well, Greet well
A greeting is
the first verbal sign of respect that you show to the other person
Greeting is the
beginning of vocal communication a greeting is always made while shaking hands.
It can be of two kinds-formal or casual. One should always stick to a formal
mode of greeting when meeting a person for the first time. A ‘good morning’ or
‘good afternoon is a very good way to greet a person.
While shaking
hands, you have one second to address the person. A good greeting can make a
lasting impression on a person.
Ø
Do not lisp when you greet a person
Ø
Be clear in your pronunciation
Ø
Do not whisper or speak in a high pitch.
Ø
Keep you tone melodious
The greeting is
the last of the four seconds and the response you get from the person after you
have greeted him is enough for you to judge the future.
How to respond
to a greeting
There are
close-ended answers and open-ended ones. A typical close-ended conversation
would be as follows:
A: Good afternoon
B: Good afternoon
A: How are you?
B: Fine
A: Where do you live?
B Nearby
A close-ended
conversation leaves no scope for further dialogue and could lead to awkward
silences.
On the other
hand, a typical open-ended conversation would be as follows:
A Good afternoon
B Good afternoon
A How are you?
B Very well, thanks you. How about
you?
A I’m fine too. Where do
you live?
B Not too far from here.
And you?
An open-ended
conversation is full of reciprocity, where you are continuing the dialogue.
While receiving importance from the other person, you must also learn to respond
with appropriate question so that he feels equally important and attended to.
This helps in prolonging a conversation after the first four seconds.
One of the most
common problem is body odour, due to which people feel diffident. The simplest
solution is to wear deodorants, perfumes or colognes.
A GREETING IN
COMBINATION WITH A SMILE, EYE CONTACT AND HANDSHAKE HELPS YOU CREATE THE
PERFECT, LASTING IMPRESSION!
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